I had every intention of making this a motivational post.
The first line was going to be: “Training for a marathon (aka childbirth & postpartum)” 🙃
But when I went to post it, I felt fake … because I don’t feel very motivational lately.
Over the last 9 months, I’ve been determined to work on myself.
I’m SO excited to bring Matthias a sibling. But after my last delivery & postpartum, I vowed I’d be stronger this time … for my husband, my children, and myself.
So I’ve been taking advantage of any spare moment (before Matthias wakes up, during his nap, and those rare solo-play windows) 😜
My focus has been on 3 areas:
Physical:
✔️ Nourishing myself with (mostly 😉) whole foods.
✔️ Exercising to build endurance (for labor & 3 a.m. nursing sessions).
✔️ Investing in chiropractic care & pelvic floor therapy (for a smoother delivery).
Spiritual:
✔️ Starting each day with the Bible for strength & guidance.
✔️ Journaling my thoughts & goals to be clear, focused, and positive.
✔️ Seeking advice — from my mama mentors to @stsachurch’s online series.
Emotional:
✔️ Cherishing every second with Matthias while he’s still my baby 😭
✔️ Treasuring date nights with Thomas – vowing to keep our marriage first 🤍
✔️ Working on a Lebanon article (and my blog) to fill my cup before a busier season.
These steps have helped me feel more prepared.
But deep down, I still don’t feel ready for this next chapter.
The other day, I broke down. I’m days away from my due date. I’ve done the work. Why am I still worried?
I realized I’m just scared.
I love Matthias more than I ever knew possible. I’ve found inexplicable joy in being his mom.
But I’m scared I don’t have what it takes to be a mother of two. To be truly selfless. To embrace losing more of my identity, career, or time to do the checklists above.
And I’m scared that makes me a bad role model. Especially to a daughter.
But maybe it’s not about being “perfectly ready” before delivery.
Maybe as my children grow, so will I.
This is truly the greatest role I’ve ever had — I just need to give myself grace to grow in it.
I can’t wait to watch Matthias become a big brother. And I can’t wait to meet my daughter – who I believe will teach me more than I ever could imagine 🤍
